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I was out for a walk, and decided to take a different route, over Fwy 85 on a flat, uninteresting pedestrian overpass. On the return trip, I stopped to watch the traffic, watching the interactions between the vehicles, like ants on a trail, but with much more personality. I was surprised and delighted when I spotted two drivers waving as they went under. I am sure more did and I didn't see, the sun was in my eyes. It made me think of the words to a favorite Beatles song, "Eleanor Rigby," But I mashed the words, as my memory is wont to do, with the lyrics of another favorite song we all know by John Lennon, "Imagine." "Look at all the people, living life in peace...." Boy, when my thinker wants to mash lyrics, it does it with style. 

Now that I gave you an ear worm, let's make it a good one.

Today I went to a sort of new-hire think tank with the HR department at work, and we all stood around and ate snacks as we discussed our first impressions of the company, our favorite thing about it, and a word of advice for anyone joining us, as one of the HR ladies somewhat discretely videotaped the discussion to make a new "Welcome!" video. A lot of good thoughts were passed around and elaborated on; I am glad that I suggested that the videographer just record it all, and distill it later, she would have missed a lot of good things if she didn't do that. Here are my thoughts: The company, to me, feels like a great big family. Everyone there is always smiles, and why shouldn't we be? We make a device that takes hurting, unhappy people and makes them well again. What could be a better job? I feel great to know that out there, there are machines with my work in them, healing people. Who knows, maybe someday it will be me. I will always stand behind (and maybe lay under) my work. It was a tough screening process; many people do not make it. I feel special that I have been so chosen to work here, and I will do my best to repay that, and become a valued asset for the company. My best advice is to get to know your co-workers, make friends, hang out during lunch. Learn the lingo, and take each day one step at a time. It will seem like a lot to learn, it is, but you'll get it. One day it'll just "click." We have an EXCELLENT training department, let them take car of you. Yeah, we all had fun. I'm glad that my supervisor let me join the group after lunch. 

For me, work has been more than just a job. It was the one constant that I could depend on, when my life was turning upside down. Many people there have been there to lend a hand or a shoulder to cry on, and one in particular has gone out of his way to help me. I don't know if he knows just how much he's helped, if indirectly, through that little carbine. It has provided a focus and a distraction, something to bury my attention into, to distract me from troubles and pain, and it has given me a new direction to turn and a goal to work towards.

I am beginning to feel free. Is it wrong? I know that it isn't, I know that Dory would be delighted to see me starting to enjoy life again. But yet, it still hurts. The pain will go on for a long time, I think, getting a shave better each day, sometimes more, sometimes less, and yes, sometimes backwards. I just realized the other day that it has been almost 9 months. I'll not think of that again. I must move on, and LIVE.