My cell in Dystopia

May 17, 2016
It's been a very long time since I have updated this.

Life has been rough, with many ups, and many, many more downs. I've been fighting a long, drawn-out battle with depression, and I have to say, that's a really rough road. I don't wish it on anyone, ever. I'm feeling better now, better than I've been in YEARS. I'd like to stay this way.

Looking back, all I have to say to anyone out there that's going through this wretched battle is this: don't go alone. DON'T EVER let the depression convince you that you are alone, that's its biggest, nastiest lie. No one is ever alone.  Be it a friend, a minister, a co-worker, the nice waitress at the deli, there's always someone to talk to. Don't go alone, find help. I may advise professional help. but then again, mine wasn't. I have learned that there are two kinds of professionals out there: those that work for the paycheck, and those that work because they LOVE the job. Give me a minute, I'm getting to the point. I see it around me, now that I know how to look. The second type is less common, but you'll find them if you look too. I once met a judge that was so very passionate about his job, he was practically bubbling when he was explaining to us potential jurors what it was we were missing. He L-O-V-E-D being a judge, and he'd never do anything else. I work where I do, making parts of a really unique medical device, because I love the job. I love making something that will make people's lives better. Here's the point: there are professional psychiatrists and counselors that LOVE their job. They. Love. You. And all that they want to do is to help as many people as they can, to reach out and touch as many lives as they can. It doesn't matter that they have never met you before, it doesn't matter what's ailing you, they want to help. It may take a couple tries to find the right one, but they're out there. If you want, you can contact me via e-mail.

I should probably have found my own professional, but before I did, my help came from two unassuming places, a friend from church, and a co-worker that I happened to sit down next to at lunch on the day I got "the call." Both are now really good friends, ones that I won't ever let go of. They helped me keep a hold of the sunny side, and kept me somewhat sane, one by inviting me to regular dinners and board games, and one, unconventionally, by teaching me how to shoot. That's a hobby that I'll keep, it's pretty darned fun. Back then, the range was the one place that I felt completely safe, where trouble and problems couldn't find me, and couldn't reach me. In fact, I usually turned my phone off, and really isolated myself there. It's better to focus anyways. 

I have a LOT of thoughts and memories that I've kept in a Word Doc, but never got around to posting here. I'll slip them in from time to time as memories, and I'll try to put a rough date on them as I can. I also need to make a new page so that I can talk about my string things. :) More on those later, I need to get back to practicing.
 

Keeping Busy

March 28, 2014

The last few months have been full of ups and downs. I've had more good days, now, but also some pretty low ones. It is to be expected, and is part of the healing process. Still, I wish it didn't hurt so much. Sometimes, I don't know why, I find it a little comforting to sing this little song from Disney's "Robin Hood." Perhaps it reminds me that maybe it's not all that bad. I certainly don't live in Nottingham.


Not in Nottingham


Every town
Has its ups and down
Sometime ups
Outnumber the dow...


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Bamboo

October 16, 2013
Darn webhost lost the post last night. Here it is again, different for being typed from memory.

I've been looking off and on for a couple years for some nice, straight, preferably black bamboo stalks to holdup silken thermal indicator flags to use with the RC gliders. So far, no luck. Apparently I thought of that search when I encountered a road crew cutting down a massive stand of mixed varieties in a dream a couple days ago.

I got permission, and went along, carefully selecting the straightes...
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Introspecting

August 24, 2013
These daily walks are a great time for me to think, and I usually take full advantage of the opportunity. Yesterday I tried to figure out why I'm agitated so much, and also why I can't seem to keep a decent pace; I keep speeding up, and have to force myself to slow down.  

It started with "Why?" Why am I walking fast, what's the big deal? Here is the best I can remember of that thought "conversation." 

WHY? I am agitated. Frustrated, excited, scared, lonely.
WHY EXCITED? Going to the marksmanshi...
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"Living Life This Way"

August 10, 2013
 photo AF9B7ED6-FC06-478B-95E4-8EA9EF24EC7F-425-000000B5CF158442_zpsd1a76c4f.jpg

I was out for a walk, and decided to take a different route, over Fwy 85 on a flat, uninteresting pedestrian overpass. On the return trip, I stopped to watch the traffic, watching the interactions between the vehicles, like ants on a trail, but with much more personality. I was surprised and delighted when I spotted two drivers waving as they went under. I am sure more did and I didn't see, the sun was in my eyes. It made me think of the words to a favorite Beatles song, "Eleanor Rigby," But ...
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Waking up and Smelling the Roses

August 1, 2013
I have definitely begun working off the extra weight. I need to find a cheap substitute for my scale, I need to start watching that. I'll see what I can find at Bed Bath and Beyond later this or early next week. I started my evening walks last week, forty minutes of good, strong walking from home to the gas station and back. I'll measure it tomorrow when I go get gas, if I remember, or use the pedometer. However, the last few days I haven't been able to go for these walks due to the smoke fun...
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Something to Chew on

July 24, 2013
Today I asked Eddie what his thoughts are on the subject of self defense and firearms. I should have known that was a loaded subject (pun intended), but the reply really threw me for a loop. He looks me in the eye ans says: "Let me ask you this: Would you shoot a guy to watch him die?" I was floored by the question, and by the time I got out a reply, he said "Nope, too late. You're already dead." That surprised me, as it was intended to do, I'm sure. It also made me think a LOT. So much think...
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Getting off the Ground

July 20, 2013
I really shouldn't type this late, not when I'm falling asleep on the keyboard. I just lost a whole post.

I feel kind of like this guy, who just got knocked into last year. It's a web comic that I'm re-starting. I have quit rolling and bouncing downhill, and am starting to get up and dust myself off. I am making a mental list of all the plusses to moving here, to counter balance the really bad parking and commute, and having to change wards at church. Heck, I changed stake, too. I took some ti...
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Scattering

July 17, 2013
Sunday was the ash scattering. I should not have expected less, but Yet I was still surprised by how many people showed up to send Dory off on the next leg of his journey. It couldn't have gone better. The wind and waves were calm, it wan't cold or foggy, and just a little overcast. I was on Rob's Ranger Tug, "Mud Hen" with Carl and Rob. Many, many Potter Yachters and friends were there with me, all around. I could feel the love and support. I had to wait for some boats (Don!) to move from de...
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Long absence

June 23, 2013
2009. Wow, was that really my last post? It's been a very long time, somewhere around four years.

It's been a long, wonderful, stressful, joyful, well, FULL life.  Would I do it all again? Yes. 

In November Dory, my dearest, sweet husband suffered a heart arrhythmia and tangled with a light pole. The pole won, and put a three foot deep dent into the driver's side of the Brava. that plucky little car has served Dory for nearly 30 years, has put up with me learning to drive, and learning to enjoy...
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Just....... Me!


Katie Taylor I have always wanted a webpage of my own. I finally found one I could afford (read FREE), and now I get to build it. I own a yellow West Wight Potter that I sail just about anywhere that has water. I just need 3 feet, heck, I can go anywhere!
 
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